The self-harm Project

The Self-Harm Project

We are The Self-Harm Project. Our purpose is to help, listen, raise awareness, and make a difference website: kik: theselfharmproject email:

Posted 35 weeks ago
Posted 61 weeks ago



i got my period back regularly. my hair is growing faster. my running has gotten faster despite a more moderate amount of mileage but better quality workouts

i have been eating more than ever (including but not limited to: peanut butter toast before bed, extra servings at every meal, never ever ignoring hunger pangs)

this is not a coincidence

food = fuel


Needed this

Way to go!

Posted 69 weeks ago


Some ways to make life easier on trans people:

❤ Introduce yourself with what pronouns you use. This helps letting people know your pronouns and finding out people’s pronouns a more common practice, therefore making it easier for trans people to get correctly gendered. It also helps with telling people your trans friends pronouns without “outing” them

💙 Use “they” more. Just because someone has long hair, doesn’t mean they’re female. Not assuming pronouns saves trans people (& you) from a lot of embarrassment and distress

💚 Stop gendering everything. Clothing is cloth, soap is soap, just because it looks or smells a certain way doesn’t mean it’s “women’s” or “men’s” Stopping this will not only help trans people who hear you from being ashamed of using something for “the wrong gender”, but will also help enforce the idea of unisex marketing, creating a more comfortable experience for trans people everywhere.

💛Stop with the “male or female” Not everyone fits into those boxes, & acknowledging that will help trans peeps you love feel more comfortable around you & opens other people up to the spectrum of gender.

💜 Educate yourself on trans topics. This will not only help you be a more supportive friend, but will also help you keep others informed!

❤Reach out to struggling trans people. Let them know that there are people who accept them for who they are, & see them in a positive light. Many trans people have no support.

💙 Stand up for trans people when you see someone bashing them.

💚 Donate to lgbt+ organizations when you can. Even $5 can help. If it wasn’t for lgbt+ originations many trans people would never be able to transition, or even live.

💛 Know what is appropriate. I’m all for educating yourself, but sometimes certain questions should be saved for close friends or google. If you wouldn’t feel comfortable answering the equivalent to your question to the same person, it’s probably best not to ask them. (I.e. don’t ask a trans man how he has sex if you wouldn’t feel comfortable telling him you’re favorite position.) Also, just because you’d feel comfortable doesn’t make it okay. Read social ques, & know who you’re talking to.

💜 Spread awareness. Share positive trans posts, correct people who step out of line, help people be informed,

💖 Most importantly: Respect & support people regardless of how they identify.

Posted 69 weeks ago

Some unknown symptoms of panic and anxiety attacks:

✴Heightened senses (sounds being louder, dirt being itchier, smells being smellier, etc. This can add on to already existent distress)

✴Racing heart (this can cause dizziness, chest discomfort, sweating, imbalance, red skin, etc. (However these can also be symptoms of something more serious, so if you’re having these symptoms please be careful and if you have reason to believe you should, go to the ER)

✴Headache (especially if crying is involved)

✴ Hyperventilating (no matter the cause this can be serious, so if you witness this do your best to help calm the person’s breathing. If this person has albuterol (inhaler or breathing machine) use if you can’t get them to calm their breath’s or they seem to need it. It can definitely be used, but with caution, as albuterol increases heart rate)

✴ Vomiting

✴ Dissociation (detachment from reality, feeling fake, loss of control of one’s actions, confusion, spacing out)

✴ Violent outbursts (hitting self, throwing things, breaking things. It is typically not a good idea to restrain someone in this state, as you can get hurt and/or worsen the situation. Remain calm and try to help them calm down and do what you can to protect them without putting yourself in dangers way. )

✴ Jumpiness (easily scared by everything. This has some to do with the heighetend senses, but also has to do with the person being on high alert due to fight or flight)

✴Unintentional (also sometimes intentional) self harm. (This relates to disassociation, but also to your body trying to self sooth. When you are in sound mind, playing with your hair may be an okay thing, but if you’re panicked/anxious/disassociative you may accidentally use too much force or repetition and accidentally pull out your hair. The same can happen with nail biting, scratching, picking at acne, rubbing skin, writing on yourself, etc)

✴Not breathing enough. (Opposed to hyperventilating, some people unintentionally hold their breaths when panicked. This can happen for many reasons. If you witness this, just help them remember. )

✴Repition (Some people rock back & forth or use other forms of repition to self soothe (intentionally and not) during attacks. This will not hurt them, just make sure they don’t fall or hit their heads)

The list certainly does not end here. There are many symptoms. These are just some of the one’s I never see anyone talk about. Knowledge is important is any medical situation, whether physical or psychiatric. The more knowledge, the better the world for nuero divergent & nuero typical people alike. Feel free to share as well as add on to the list. Stay safe & awesome. ❤

Posted 69 weeks ago

PSA: Seasonal depression is a very real & difficult thing. Depression itself is very difficult, but whether it’s that you have year-round depression that gets worse seasonally or you only deal with depression seasonally, it can be an extra stressor. A lot of people struggle with seasonal depression, & could use a friend and support system. If you have the willpower yourself, even sending a message checking in on someone or letting them know you care can make a world of a difference. ❤

Posted 69 weeks ago
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Posted 96 weeks ago




i feel like…we should talk about borderlines actually being manipulative more? not in the context of like “all borderlines are evil and inherently manipulative” but like the motivation we can have to try to ensure we aren’t abandoned or hurt. and it can be little things or we may not even realize we’re doing it. and that is a sad reality that leads us to question whether or not we’re being manipulative; but in the same vein it is good to check yourself sometimes. borderlines are not evil and not inherently abusive (while, as anyone, they could be in theory, we’re more likely to be abused and there’s nothing about borderlines that makes us abusive) but I feel like manipulation isn’t something I hear much about. it’s another one of those less #relatable things that will get less notes because it promotes “toxic behavior” like my dude listen if you don’t do harm and you’re acknowledging the fuckiness it can be beneficial to talk about it. manipulation isn’t a good thing, no; but neither are our violent impulses or suicidal ideation. it needs to be discussed like everything else. manipulation walks a fine line but don’t be afraid to talk about it in this community.

I’ve discussed this topic at length before and all I got was people trying to shut me down. I’ve straight up admitted to compulsive lying, manipulation, and abusing my friends and past partners (and even my current one). But the community doesn’t want to talk about it because they think it adds to the stigma, when in fact, ignoring the issue adds to the stigma. What I need, and what other borderlines in the community need, is to not be shut down and harassed when we talk about being abusive or manipulative.

I’m SO here for this discourse. I only went in the notes for a hot second but there’s someone in their trying to explain it away or call it something else

Even if our emotions and our reactions to those emotions make sense to us and we really may be doing our best and not know how else to get our needs met does not make them any less manipulative.

It’s a shameful thing to talk about, I think, because these behavior patterns are so ingrained into us. We try so hard to convince ourselves that we are not wrong or inherently bad inside. Acknowledging and owning your bad behavior does not make you all bad. It does not keep you from being good. We do not exist in black and white, as hard as it is to really get that.

To add to the actual conversation at hand though: for me manipulation comes from not knowing how or feeling comfortable with asking for my needs to be met or not feeling confident that my response will be met positively.

I got so used to having my needs ignored or denied that I stopped asking. Using my sadness, my behavior, illness etc was more effective in getting what I needed.

What has helped me to “stop” being as manipulative is being sufficient in meeting my own needs (which unfortunately is unhelpful for much of the Tumblr bpd demographic I think) and some other unhealthy coping mechanisms that aren’t worth mentioning.

That being said a lot of times not being toxic and reducing your toxic behavior is about doing things even when they don’t feel right even when they don’t feel good for no reason other than it benefits the greater good/ the person/situation that you care about.

Posted 98 weeks ago


hey gang discussing, coming to terms with, and learning to cope with the darker sides of your mental illness is not “”“encouraging”“” people to initiate poor behaviors and ethics in others. just a reminder

Posted 98 weeks ago

Dating Someone With Borderline Personality Disorder


by Darian Rehder (someone who has BPD) 

Things to Understand: 

Their moods change a lot. This is not your fault most of the time. They just feel a lot, and when they’re attached to someone it can make their feelings stronger. It doesn’t mean that they feel all those things about you all the time. 

2. They probably think you’re going to leave them about every day, sometimes more often. If they ask you if you still like them, it’s because they honestly don’t know if you still do. They need to hear it often.

3. If they get randomly angry in the middle of something that you don’t think needs that kind of response, it is usually because something has triggered them. Learn what triggers the person you’re with, so you can both work to prevent it. 

4. Because they feel intense emotions, they also feel love and happiness at large proportions. This is great, because it means they really appreciate their relationships! 

5. Their minds are often on the most emotionally simulating things in their lives, because emotions this strong are hard to ignore. This means you’re probably on their mind a lot. 

6. They do not want to hurt you, if they truly love you. Sometimes when they get angry or depressed or anxious they feel like they need to hurt you or run away or that they don’t love you. This isn’t true, and they often regret or don’t stand by their emotional breakdowns after awhile. Sometimes immediately. 

Things You Can Do:

1. Validate their emotions. Never call them too emotional, needy, dramatic, intense, etc. even if they call themselves that. 

2. Don’t make promises you can’t keep. Chances are, they really do hold onto your words. 

3. If you are uncomfortable or need a break from them, which is okay, explain it in a way that makes them sure you aren’t going to leave and that you still love them or care about them. 

4. Do something that makes them feel loved and cared for.

5. If they’re in the midst of some negative emotion, don’t say anything judgmental, don’t tell them what to do, and don’t fight with them. This would be a good time to say something reassuring and kind with no judgmental or controlling undertones. If this doesn’t work and it seems to be going in a loop, refer to number three or continue to tell them how important they are to you. 

6. Remember that there are truths to everyone. Your person might feel like something is very sad, and it may not affect you at all. It doesn’t mean either of you are wrong to feel that way. 

7. Spend lots of time with them! Spending time and using your actions is a good way to reassure someone of your love. 

8. Learn what they love and learn what really upsets them. It’s always good to know someone and work to avoid hurting them. They can do this for you too! 

9. Don’t take things to heart. I know this is hard, but when someone with BPD has a breakdown, they often say things that they don’t truly stand by in the end. When they apologize, they often mean it with their whole heart. 

10. NEVER ignore them, unless you absolutely have to. If you can’t talk or don’t want to talk, explain this to them instead of ignoring their messages. When you ignore them, they assume you are going to leave them or that something is wrong. 

Reasons Why Being with Someone Who Has BPD is NOT Bad

1. Their intense emotions are biological, in most cases. It’s the same thing as having less emotions. It is not a bad thing to feel deeply. 

2. They, most likely, love you with all their heart. BPD people have the biggest hearts and really will work to do nice things for you and make you feel loved. 

3. They are most likely loyal as hell, and will put a lot of time and energy into you. 

4. Like any mental illness, BPD is something people do not want to have. This fact will help you remember that they are not deliberately trying to hurt you in any way and really do wish they didn’t have BPD. This is why they ARE NOT ABUSIVE 

5. All relationships need work. Communicating and working together can actually strengthen the bond you two have. 

6. It can be helpful for someone with BPD to have a relationship so they can practice ways to manage their emotions and actions. Chances are, the longer you’re with them, the more comfortable they will be with you. 

7. They’re always there for you too! All people with BPD that I know, including myself, are very good at talking about issues and helping others with problems. If you want to talk, you can count on them to give you all of their effort to help. 

8. Imagine dating someone with no emotions. That’d be probably a lot harder! Appreciate the deepness of your person’s feelings. It can make life a lot easier! 

9. If they are in a relationship with you, it’s probably because they want to be with you. Keep this in mind when they start feeling negatively. 

10. It’s a relationship! That’s always fun. It will have challenges like all relationships, but remembering that you are with someone you love will always make it easier. 


Posted 98 weeks ago
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